Not Every Season is Banner Season: Mom Guilt Edition

Isn't a kid's birthday party just the best?! LOL. Okay, maybe that's not something we say about every kid party, but my son just turned 10, and let me tell you, I've never been more thrilled about a birthday party because this one was truly special. It was a core, memory-making, monumental event. Not just because he reached the double-digit milestone, but because he found his tribe! He's always tagged along with his older sister and her friends and made some acquaintances, but never really had close friends to call his own. But this year was different. This year he wanted his new little group of friends to join him for an hour of Foam Dart League Open Play and cookie cake. Yes, let's do it! I was winning as a mom.

My heart bursting with pride, I watched his excitement and anticipation as the party approached. It was happening. We arrived, signed in, and the kids carefully selected their arsenal, eye protection, and pinnies and were off for the time of their lives! During their playtime, their coach paused the game to announce the dart gun drawing winner who would receive a brand-new, just-released, highly sought-after dart gun! And the winner is………. MY CHILD! Yes, MY child…the birthday boy won the drawing. I wish you could have seen his face. Priceless. He was ecstatic! His birthday was off to an incredible start. I snapped all the obligatory mom pictures (except for the one where he won the drawing, because of course) and at the end of the hour, my sweaty, red-faced son and his friends tore off their pinnies, searched for their water bottles, and returned their dart guns to the Rubbermaid container. Part 1 was a success. Onto Part II: the Cookie Cake. Mom is still in the lead with a strong win.

Sidelines. I walked into the “Party Room” that was actually like ½ restaurant, ½ reserved party table greeted by what felt like 500 black and orange balloons, a 6’4’ life-size “Happy Birthday Marcus” vinyl banner, 2 meticulously lined rows of cardboard, basketball-themed goodie “bag” boxes, a massive cake, basketball place settings laid out on a basketball tablecloth, and about 20 family members excitedly lining up presents on the "present table". Well, Happy Birthday Marcus. Good job Marcus’s mom. Good job. I even complimented her and inquired where she got her banner (Amazon). Happy birthday Marcus. Sidelines. I am now on the sidelines and Marcus's Mom is in the lead. She's the real birthday party MVP. Wait what? I was winning.

Focus. Back to my child. Cookie cake time. I unzipped my gallon-sized Ziploc bag and pulled out the small blue paper dessert plates and clear plastic forks. I loudly removed the plastic lid from the cookie cake because is there any other way to take those off than loudly? It's fine I guess, unless you’re trying to secretly eat the leftovers at home the next day in the kitchen for breakfast. If you know, you know. Someone HAS to do something about that for us. But anyway. Time to blow out the candles! Candles. Wait. I forgot the candles. I announced to my son that I forgot the candles, and he just shrugged and said “That’s ok!” as he looked excitedly at the cake. So we sang Happy Birthday, sliced the cake, and ate it until the frosting was coating our teeth. He loved it and the boys, now sugared up, were ready to open presents.

The presents went smoothly, his smile growing bigger and bigger as he opened each one. The boys sat and hung out with each other at the table, just goofing around and being boys until we decided it was time to pack up. Their smiles were huge, and they all wanted to come back together next week for open play. Marcus was on his way in with his friends, so it was good timing for us to move out. Peace out Marcus. ✌🏻

We loaded up the presents and cake into the car, buckled in, and started the drive home where we recapped the event and asked all the questions that we tend to ask to reassure ourselves that our parenting, party planning, and execution were spot on and that we are great parents creating great memories for our children. The birthday boy said it was the best day EVER. He said thank you and held onto his newly won dart gun all night until his head hit the pillow. He woke up the next morning, grabbed his dart gun, and continued to say how much fun he had and that it was the best day ever.

Banner Season. He didn’t mention the lack of candles. He didn’t mention that he only had three friends there. He didn’t mention the lack of balloons or a tablecloth, or, well, a banner with his face on it visible from the moon. He didn’t mention Marcus or anything for that matter that was happening on the other side of that party room. Only I saw Marcus. MY child had an amazing birthday and said it was the best day of his life. It was just me who put MYSELF on the sidelines for a second. But here's the thing, I could have let Marcus’s party extinguish my spark, but I didn’t. I felt my spark quiver for just a moment as I let that sideline consume the best of me, but I quickly went back onto the field. That's the key, feel it, then leave it. The mom guilt was trying to suffocate me, but I put my blinders on and I stayed in my lane. My child isn’t Marcus, he’s Michael, and he just had the best day of his life. I am an awesome mom who doesn’t have it all together, and most of the time doesn’t have the candles or the lighter, or the store-bought card, but has what’s important. Because kids don’t care about the candles being lit or the store-bought cards, they care about the moment, the memory, their parents being there, and yes, of course, the presents too. But sometimes the best present is not having it all, and just being present. It's ok that I am not in a banner season. Not every season is meant to be banner season.